


Take My Hand, We'll Make It I Swear

by fuckpyne



Category: One Direction (Band), Radio 1 RPF
Genre: Asperger Syndrome, Blow Jobs, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-01
Updated: 2015-04-01
Packaged: 2018-03-20 18:06:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3659979
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fuckpyne/pseuds/fuckpyne
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry has Asperger’s and Nick’s doing his best. Even if Harry doesn't understand emotions he sure knows how to fuck with them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Take My Hand, We'll Make It I Swear

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you [Anna](sparkle-louis.tumblr.com) for being an amazing beta reader for me.  
> Hope you enjoy!
> 
> [My tumblr.](hazzzly.tumblr.com)

He holds Harry down so his nose is pressed in the hair of Nick’s lower stomach, he waits until he’s finished before letting him go. Harry pants heavily and rests his head against Nick’s thigh. Nick runs a hand through the resting boy’s hair, being gentle when he feels a knot. 

“Need to wash your hair baby.” He discloses, pulling Harry’s hair back so he’s making eye contact, then he drops his grip. “Pass us a cigarette.”

Harry’s head briefly drops before he picks it back up again, searching for the cigarettes Nick has left on the side. With his long arms it’s easy for him to reach the packet and lighter passes them to where Nick is waiting expectantly. He watches as Nick takes a cigarette out of the packet before dropping it to the floor along with the lighter. Harry continues to study him as he hollows his cheeks out to blow the smoke out past his lips, he doesn’t blow it in Harry’s direction, knows that Harry would prefer to look on than participate. 

“Why don’t you go take your bags in our room while I finish this then we’ll jump in the shower, yeah?” He suggests, Harry nods and Nick waits a moment for him to process what’s being asked.Eventually Harry gets up and pads to their room, bags intact behind him.

Once Nick’s chests slows down he kicks his boots and pulls his trousers and socks off, his shirt hits the ground moments later. He walks to the kitchen sink to put his fag out. He catches a glimpse of himself, his fringe is sticking to his forehead and his cheeks have gone a horrible shade of fuchsia pink so he decides to splash some water on his face. He still can’t believe Harry’s his, can’t get over how much Harry’s mum and sister like him after a long weekend in Harry’s childhood home. He was so nervous, he didn’t want either of them to think he was taking advantage of Harry, was just going to use him then lose him. 

When Nick arrives at the bedroom Harry is sitting on the bed fully clothed staring down twiddling his thumbs. He hasn’t done anything more than Nick instructed him to do. Nick lets out a silent sigh as he leans against the door frame, pondering what to do. 

***

“What’s wrong babe?” Harry asked when Nick requested to speak to him privately.

“I’ve noticed that you’ve been lacking a lot of motivation and that you’re only really eating or washing when someone reminds you and I’ve looked it up and I thinkyoumighthavedepression but-”

“You think I have what?” Harry tenses up with frustration, his lips pursed tightly and brows drawn together in anger or confusion.

“I think you might have depression but it’s okay because thousands of people struggle with it and you can have counseling or medication or both, whatever you feel comfortable with and what-”

“Nick. Shut up a minute.” Harry doesn’t shout, just makes his voice louder and runs his hands through his hair. “I don’t have depression.” He states after a couple of minutes of pin dropping silence.

“I know it can be-” Nick starts but is interrupted. 

“No I don’t. It’s just-” He takes a deep breath before continuing. “I have Aspergers.” 

“Oh.” Nick says because he’s not sure what that is. 

***

“Harry you need to get undressed and then come join me in the shower, okay?” He waits for Harry to answer so he knows that he’s understood.

“Yeah.” He mutters, almost inaudibly, Nick can practically see the clogs in his brain working. 

Nick flicks on the bathroom light and turns the shower on to warm it up. He opens the radio app on his phone and lights some of the candles Harry bought from God knows where. He opens the shower door to check everything they need is in the shower, he doesn’t want to have to get out because he forgot the vanilla extract and green leaf from the middle of the amazon shampoo.

Harry coughs to acknowledge his presence and Nick nearly hits his head in surprise. When he turns around to face Harry he has to suppress a smile because even though he’s seen him naked countless times Harry still covers himself and draws back from Nick when he steps forward. 

“Should we get you in the shower?” He encourages rubbing a hand along Harry’s bicep.

He nods and Nick puts his hand on Harry’s back which is rigid from his anxiety's. Nick pushes slightly to gently guide Harry into the shower. Nick steps inside the shower and carefully takes Harry’s hand to lead him in after himself. The water is warm against their skin but Harry still flinches away when it makes first contact. They’re standing so their face to face, almost touching. The only thing between them is the shower head. He takes Harry’s chin and cups it lightly in his palm as he kisses him to help stop him from freaking out. 

***

They sit silently for a couple of minutes that are dragged out into an everlasting eternity. 

“What’s Asperger’s H?” He feels pathetic that he can’t look Harry in the eyes as the question leaves his lips instead opting to look straight ahead. 

“It’s a type of Autism. It affects everyone differently. For me I find it difficult to verbalise what I need because I don’t really understand. I couldn’t tell you if I was angry because I don’t know what it feels like.” He can hear his voice getting weak and wobbly so he stops and takes a deep breath. “I don’t always know how to tell people what I need, I mean I find it hard to tell someone I’m hungry or if I’m ill. I’m getting better at recognising other people’s emotions but I’m not always confident that I’ve got it right. But like I’m fine with making friends and I normally understand sarcasm. I don’t like loud noises or the colour green, like I can’t touch anything green and yes that’s why I never walk across the grass when we got to museums and places, it’s not because I’m a goody two shoes. Also I really like bananas and strawberries, and sometimes I struggle with anxiety issues, not constantly they just flare up when I’m stressed.” He has his hands out in front of him shaking them every time he wants Nick to pay attention to something in particular. His head is turned to the floor because he can’t risk seeing another person he cares for leave when he’s giving up so much personal information. 

He takes a deep breath then says; “Okay.”

Harry was expecting something more, he was expecting Nick to leave and never return any of Harry’s calls, it wouldn’t be the first time he’s weirded someone out with this whole, ‘Hey I have Asperger’s and this is how it affects me speech.” Nick’s the first person to stay.

***  
“We alright?” Nick endeavours.

Harry nods taking a deep breath then guiding Nicks hand back to his side. He grabs the shower gel and loofah, pouring a generous amount onto the loofah then rubbing it into his hand to make it lather. He brings it to Nick’s chest and then starts to cover his body in suds. When he’s done he puts his head on Nick’s shoulder and passes him the loofah. Nick starts at his back, then rubs circles over Harry’s bum which makes him squeak. He detaches the shower head from the holder and hovers it over Harry’s back using his other hand to wipe away the suds.

They get out of the shower and Nick grabs some towels from where they were heating up on the radiator, passing one to Harry. They’re both facing each other as the dry off, Nick observing the concentration on Harry’s face. He rubs the towel though his hair until it’s not dripping water everywhere and flings it into the wash basket in the bedroom. Harry hands him a pair of boxers just like he usually does. 

“Are we going to bed now? It’s half ten.” Harry’s mumbling into his ear, chest pressed to his back and one of his hands on his hip. 

“Of course babe. It’s half ten.” He smirks.

He turns around and kisses him, slowly and softly. Without another words he takes Harry’s hand into his own and leads him into their bed. Both of the bedside lamps are on which brings a warm glow to Harry’s face. 

“I love you.” Harry’s voice doesn’t sound like it’s filled with love, it sounds mechanical.

However Nicks mouth still hangs in a mixture of shock and surprise. He wants to cry because for so long he’s wanted to say that, but he didn’t want to confuse Harry or scare him off. He knows how hard Harry finds it to understand his own feelings and he also knows that Harry wouldn’t state something like that if he wasn’t completely positive. He can’t move, paralyzed in this position trying to take in that someone loves him. Someone who is not a family member but someone like Harry Styles the boy who doesn’t show any sort of emotion loves him. The boy that he’s been in love with since he first heard him described by a mutual friend when he was complaining about how unlovable he is. 

Harry’s staring up at him with expectant glossy eyes. He realises he hasn’t said anything out loud. Harry looks confused, trying to figure out what emotion Nick’s displaying. When he can’t decide he gives up and just walks out. Shit Nick thinks. The flat is silent except the sound of Nicks heavy breathing. When he hears the kettle boiling in the kitchen he lets out a sigh of relief, thankful that Harry hasn’t walked out of the flat in just his pajamas and no Oyster card for the tube or bus because it wouldn’t be the first time Nick has had to drag him back kicking and screaming while trying to convince everyone that no I’m not kidnapping him thank you very much and if I do let him go he’ll probably get arrested and I don't have the money to bail him out. 

He stumbles out of bed mumbling profanities as his feet touch the cold floor grabbing his dressing gown from where it was hanging on the back of the door. Harry’s just pouring the water into the mug.

“Not making me a cup babe?” He smirks hoping Harry will recognise it as a joke.

“No. You didn’t ask for one.” Of course he didn’t.

Nick takes a deep breath in shouting internally at himself to grow a pair Grimshaw, tell the boy you love him! 

“Oh.” Is all he actually verbalises.

“I know you should of said it back. I’ve watched too many romantic comedies.” He states, talking at Nick instead of to him.

Harry doesn’t want an answer; isn’t expectant of one either. However Nick just needs some more time to compile his feelings and come up with a speech worthy of a Bridget Jones movie.  
“Give me ten minutes.” 

“What? Why?” 

“I just need to think how to word it.”

“Word what?”

“My speech.

“What speech? You’re not making a speech to anyone are you?” He smiles at that even though it annoys Harry.

“I’m going to make a speech to you about my feelings, but I need to sit down and figure out how to word it, okay?” Nick takes a step to Harry but he steps back to so Nick decides not to push him right now.

“Okay, ten minutes.”

“Thank you.”

He goes to sit on the sofa and starts to write down points on the notepad they usually write call messages in. 

+

“Nick! It’s been ten minutes, I timed it so I definitely know it has been ten minutes.” He calls from the kitchen. 

“Okay come here then!” He shouts back.

He listens to Harry footsteps getting closer, making enough room for him and then patting where Harry should sit. 

“First of all I want to say sorry for disturbing your routine, it wasn't intentional. Also for being such a jerk earlier. God knows I've wanted to say this for so long. I am so impeccably, amorously and death defyingly in love with you Harry Edward Styles. All five foot nine inches of ya’. I would do anything and everything to help and protect you. I’ve never felt this type of love for a person, I was confident I never would until I met you. Please Harry Edward Styles will you do me the most incredible honor of being my husband?”

“No.” He says matter of fact.

Nick wipes the tears away and shakes his head like he’s trying to get rid of what he just heard.

“Pardon?” Nick tries to laugh like it’s one of Harry’s jokes.

“We’ve only known each other a year. We won’t be ready for marriage until we’ve known each other for two years. It’s only polite.” Harry can’t see the hurt in Nick’s face; the devastation.

Of course Harry would say that. Of course Harry would have some weird concept of what being “ready for marriage” is. He almost forgot Harry doesn't really understand what love is, just what he’s seen in the movies. A lot of Nick’s friends that Harry knows got married after two or three years. Fuck them, is all Nick can think of right now. 

“We need to go to bed now it’s gone half past ten.” Harry tells him before getting up to go to bed.

He’s so glad he didn’t get the ring out.

**Author's Note:**

> [My tumblr.](hazzzly.tumblr.com)


End file.
